Dealing with a bully!

Do you suspect your child is being bullied?  It's a fact!  We've all been bullied!  I think we can all agree that being bullied isn't fun, nor is it good for our child's self esteem.  How can you spot the warning signs of bullying?  How can you talk about it with your child?  What plan of action can be developed to defend against a bully?  Although the subject of bullying is far more in-depth than this article, the following plan of action will help provide you with some helpful tools to combat bullying in what seems to be an epidemic in our schools.

Signs of Bullying

• Unexplained injuries.
• Torn or missing clothing, electronics, school supplies or other valuables.
• Pattern of sickness, headaches, faking an illness, missing school.
• Change in eating habits, loss of appetite or binge eating.
• Fatigue, poor sleeping habits.
• Loss of interest in school, or school related activities, slipping grades.
• Reclusiveness, loss of friends and avoidance of social situations.
• Low self esteem, quiet, noticeable change in personality.
• Self harming, talks of suicide.

It's important to note that not all children will show signs of bullying.  But please be observant of your child and notice any changes in their behaviour.  One of the best ways to stay informed is to keep the lines of communication open and positive.  Check in regularly and let them know you are always there to help them no matter what the problem.  Always be prepared to listen.

How to Talk about Bullying

• Tell them what bullying is so they can identify it and take the safest precautions to deal with it.
• Keep the lines of communication open.  Ask them about their day, their friends and any concerns they may have.
• Tell them to speak with a trusted adult such as a teacher, principal or coach.
• Encourage them to report bullying when it happens.
• Construct a plan of action if confronted by a bully.  Provide helpful tips they can confidently use and a strategy of safety and prevention.

What to do when Confronted by a Bully

• ​Calmly and confidently look the bully in the eye and ask them to stop.
• Use confident body language such as consistent eye contact, strong posture but non-confrontational.
• If you are uncomfortable or too nervous to speak, calmly walk away to the presence of an adult or group.
• Use humour, such as laughing it off or passively changing the conversation.  This may distract the bully and divert the conflict momentarily for you to make an exit.
• Attract attention.  If your gut tells you that the bully is about to get physical, focus on flight, not fight.  Don't be embarrassed to yell for help.  Keep your eye on the nearest exit.
• Take a self defence course and be prepared to use force if you feel threatened, but only as a last resort.

Defend Yourself

Unfortunately, the odds are high that at some point in our lives we will need to physically defend ourselves, especially when we are children.  Children are still developing coping mechanisms to deal with conflict.  As such, when children can't communicate verbally, it is natural for them to act out physically.  It is likely that if a bully is verbally abusive then he/she will eventually become physically abusive.  Now that you've taught your children what to do if confronted verbally by a bully,  wouldn't it then make sense for children to also be prepared physically if reasoning with a bully fails?

Taekwon-do for Self Defense

Taekwon-do is much more than kicking and punching.  Taekwon-do is a discipline developed to cultivate the mind and body on the foundation of moral culture.  Courtesy, Integrity, Perseverance, Self-Control and Indomitable Spirit, are the tenets of Taekwon-do.  Students are taught respect, physical fitness, body awareness and camaraderie in a fun and safe atmosphere.  Developing the mind and body together utilizing the benefits of Taekwon-do are imperative when combating the verbal and physical assaults of a bully.

Benefits of Taekwon-do against Bullying

• Students are taught to be polite and respectful by following the tenets of Taekwon-do.  This will discourage children from engaging in disrespectful behaviour.
• Through competition, students are taught the value of winning and losing.  It's important that children lose, this way they can be taught to cope with disappointing or stressful situations.
• Through repetitive kicks and punches, students will develop powerful and accurate tools in the event they need to defend themselves.
• The ability to stay calm and focused during sparring rounds are practiced against many different opponents.  Practicing combative situations will prepare a students for real life situations.
• Through structured classes and rank progression, students are taught to be confident leaders who take action without hesitation.  This is valuable when standing up for oneself or speaking up for others.
• Children will develop long lasting friendships based on respect for one another.  Building a network of friends who share similar values will only strengthen their bond.  They'll have each others backs.